强化你的文书写作

“It was a dark and stormy night.Suddenly a scream pierced the air……”

Good writing takes enormous concentration.

CHARLES SCHULTZ

Peanuts（1988）

Executive Summary

——突破申请最痛苦的阶段——

——击而破：打动录取委员会——

I'm writing to reach you.

在整个申请的过程中，也许写Personal statement（or Statement of purpose, or anything like that），Resume（也许还有Recommendation letter）所耗费的时间和精力是最多的。在几篇短短的不超过两页的文章中，你要做的事情非常多。首先要让评审委员会在堆积如山的材料中一眼看中你的那一份；然后你需要说服评审委员会，I deserve your high comment；最重要的，是说服评审委员会给你那份你梦寐以求的offer或admission。对绝大多数人来说，这是他有生以来头几篇重要的文章——而要命的是，这些文章要用一种自己用得不是很好的语言来写作。（Sigh……）what a job！正如Travis唱道：

Because my inside is outside

My right side's on the left side

Cause I'm writing to reach you now

But I might never reach you

Only want to teach you

About you

TRAVIS

Writing to reach you

“The Man Who”album

在你的外部环境调查和个人定位结束后，就进入文书写作了。尤其是PS，这是整个申请过程中最痛苦，最耗费精力的阶段。PS、推荐信和Resume是三个互补的东西，你在前面制定的申请策略都会运用在三者之间。下面我们就一个一个地看。

Statement of Purpose（Personal Statement）

走出误区

Statement of Purpose（SOP）又称为Personal Statement（PS），对于初等申请者来说意义貌似是一样，但实际上，不同学校对其定义和要求会有一定的差异。我们一起来看一下密歇根大学安娜堡分校的文书要求：

本书所有案例全部经过焦点团队的详细指导，那我们是不是“专家”了呢？我们不是，因为申请专家和PS写作专家是两个不同的概念。

一份好的PS无疑会给申请锦上添花，但它既不是申请成功的充分条件也不是必要条件。换言之，即成功的申请中PS不一定很出色，而仅仅凭借着一份好的PS也不足以促成一个成功的申请。我们在书中反复强调这个概念，就是要让大家不要走进过分强调PS的误区。为什么这样说呢？在我们采访很多美国名校的Dean时（如Charles Glaser, Dean of Public Policy, the Univ.of Chicago），翻阅了大量的美国同类书籍，清楚地认识到，其实所有的申请材料只不过是一种表现形式，通过这些facade，录取委员会要透过现象看本质，即通过抽象的、客观的文书了解你。所以PS只是这些表现形式的一种罢了。论直观，它不如Resume一目了然；论抽象和详尽，它不如大学成绩单来得直接；论客观，它又不如推荐信（因为你自己写的肯定有主观色彩在里面喽）。

所以，一份好的申请，需要如下几个方面相互呼应，相得益彰：

■Your Grades：GPA, transcript

■Your Test Scores：TOEFL, GRE, GRE SUB（if applicable）

■Your Essays：PS, Resume

■Letters of recommendation

所以这样综合作用下来，你不需要每一项都牛，可能有一项牛就会脱颖而出。

在指导我们的学员定位、选校、作材料的时候，我们一直强调综合发力的重要性，这也是为什么我们不仅能够拿到名校offer，而且签证成功率也奇高的原因。

我们给大家的建议是，写PS不要急着写，可以先拉list，把自己的大学课程和成绩、研究方向、参与了哪些项目、导师是谁、读了哪些国内外专著统统分类写下来，就像写Resume那样，但是要比Resume的分类再详细一些。

这样做的好处是可以先filter一下，留下最重要的信息进行排列组合。同时，这样便于把自己的情况准确地抽象出来。在这个list做完后，可以给周围的人如教授、同学看看，确定自己对自己的认识、定位是否准确，进行360度评估之后，才可以往下进行。大家不要小看这一步，因为它将决定你未来数个月的奋斗方向，如果方向错了或是不够准确，那只能是徒劳一场。

写作要点

下一步就是布局谋篇，组织材料开始写作了，这也是看你基本功和修炼程度的时候了。我们先来看看William Zinsser在他的On Writing Well一书中的一段文字：

根据我们多年、多位资深精英的一线经验并参考国内外专家、书籍之后，我们给出其他几条注意事项：

■审清题

■真诚

■真实

■语言避免华丽，用词造句尽量简单易读

■避免错别字

■不要flashy，不要用彩色纸

■字号最好是12号

■不要空泛而谈，要具体

■不要刻意隐瞒

■尽量不要有太多excuses

■When you write, assume that you will be admitted and try your best in each an every version of your essay.

■不必要开头就是一个你的故事，Nobody really cares but you.编的故事如果不吸引人，就让人感觉一上来就吃了一只苍蝇。

古语云“假传万卷书，真传一张纸”。希望读者细细品味这些注意事项，字字是金。

PS范例

本章只附上几份有代表性的PS，更多范例请大家参照下文的案例分析部分。

首先，附一份UC Berkeley的大牛的PS让大家养养眼：

Personal Statement

When I was ten years old, I attended a course designed to stimulate the students’thinking with vagarious problems.In one such class, after the teacher asked us to calculate the area within a closed curve, I started tossing a small stone on the floor repeatedly which made a loud noise in the quiet classroom and caught others’attention.The problem was to calculate the area within a closed curve.I can now solve it easily with calculus, but I knew nothing about it then.My idea was to count the number of times the stone fell into the curve and the total number of tosses and calculate the approximation of the area by division.This seemingly strange solution was very close to a basic but significant concept in advanced applied mathematics.This course helped me realize my natural love for the power of numbers and started me on my career in the world of mathematics.

It was my outstanding performance in mathematics that enabled me to enroll in a Talented

Youth Program after four years in elementary school.Less than 1%of all students could pass the test for the program that reduced 8 years of education into 4.I learned a lot in that program, some from the teachers, a lot on my own and achieved high scores in all exams.After the program, I was offered to enter Zhejiang University without the mandatory entrance exams.My family as well as my teachers all wanted me to go.But I declined, because I had made up my mind to study mathematics in Peking University, the best in China.I took instead the regular college entrance examination and was admitted to the Department of Mathematics when I was 14，4 years younger than common students.

With most of my classmates four or more years older, selected from all over China, and among them gold medal winners in international contests, I felt great pressure.But I kept my confdence and determination.As a result, not only has my academic career at Peking University been immensely enriching, my hard work also landed me at the top of the class.I received with pride each year scholarship or award accessible only to the best few.

In the fall semester of my sophomore year, I was faced with an important choice：to continue my study in either pure or applied mathematics.I felt more interested in applied mathematics and found both its theoretical foundations and practical promises fascinating.I believed that mathematics would only become useful when its applications could be realized.To me, applied mathematics is the only connection between mathematics and related areas, such as physics, chemistry, and biology.So I chose applied＆computational mathematics as my major.Later study and experience told me that I had made the right choice.My natural ability for the field is reflected in my transcripts, with my proud and high scores in mathematics, physics and programming, all at the top of my class.But most importantly, I have enjoyed it tremendously.I have been captivated by the mysterious and fascinating knowledge of applied mathematics.I never found anything so interesting in my life！

In the junior year, I did something on a topic in computational fluid mechanics.It was a one-dimensional Riemann problem.To solve it, knowledge in Fluid Mechanics and Numerical Solution of Partial Differential Equations was essential.Although I had got the highest scores in both courses, obstacles remained.A major one was the use of difference methods.I spent several days on it, comparing many schemes and applying them to test problems on computer.In the end, I chose one using precision, workload and efficiency and successfully solved the problem.The project greatly strengthened my ability to apply mathematical knowledge in other areas.It also gave me the wonderful feeling I was looking for—transcending myself.

Last summer, I was a volunteer for the Sixth Asia-Pacific Conference on Giftedness held in Beijing.Besides helping the foreign speakers with their communication problems, as a former member of gifted education programs, I also introduced myself to them in English.The fact that I was confdent and comfortable with my English was because I had scored high in both TOEFL and GRE tests.

But I was never a bookworm.I took part in many extracurricular activities, such as hiking, swimming and traveling.I also like to play piano which does not only relax me but also gives me

affatus of mathematics from time to time.Besides school and sports, I also believe that helping others is the most enriching reward in life.And I truly enjoy offering any help I can whenever asked.Maybe because of this, I have made lots of friends.Such personality, combined with my intellectual vigor and determination, should stand me ready for any challenges.

However, what I have learned and achieved at Peking University is not enough for me anymore.The past century saw rapid development of applied mathematics that draws me with magic power.I would like to further my study on applied mathematics.When I first read Berkeley's booklet, I knew right away that it was for me.It has a world-class faculty, advanced research facilities and a stimulating academic atmosphere, all very conducive to the development to my potential.I also found Berkeley's courses fascinating, especially those offered by the applied mathematics department, as very few schools could.The completion of graduate studies in your program will not only enable me to realize my most cherished dream but will also put myself in a much better position to conduct my own research in the future.I sincerely hope that my solid academic performance, independent research ability, strong love for applied mathematics plus my determination to excel will serve as a foundation for me to undertake advanced studies at an institution such as yours.After my Ph.D.studies, I plan to return to Peking University where I shall devote myself to a lifetime of teaching and researching.

再来看一个University of Chicago Master in Public Policy的成功申请者的文章。文科申请的难度是不言而喻的，而下面这篇文章有理、有情、有气、有节，堪称煽情和学术式的经典。

Personal Statement

Applicant：HY

Proposed Department：Public Policy

“Look，**，this is where I grew up.”Ten years ago my father said this to me, pointing to the shabby cabin in which my father's family lived for nearly 20 years.But this was just the beginning of my shock.In the following ten days, my father and I traveled across the north province of Shaanxi, one of the poorest areas in China.I encountered a totally different world where many children dropped out of schools because their families could not afford the tuition of 5 dollars per year, where people lived in humble shanties with leaking roofs and broken windows that could barely shield them from chilly winds and rains, and where people dwelled generation after generation, becoming more and more isolated from the outside world.From that moment, I recognized within me a strong feeling of connection.I was part of this land；I had to do something for the people.

My first opportunity to realize my dream of helping people was my involvement in the Investigation of the Poverty Relief Project Implementation in ABC Program when I was a freshman of EFG in XYZ University.I was chosen to participate in this public policy investigation program due to my excellent academic record and outstanding leadership.ABC, much like my hometown of North Shaanxi, is a small town located in the mountain area near Beijing.During the three days there, I interviewed local governors of all levels, visited township enterprises and elementary schools, and studied annual local financial reports.In spite of finding the clues that more and more people were getting out of poverty with the help of poverty relief policy and poverty relief funds allocated by the central government, I noticed that each year 10%of the people having risen out of poverty would fall back into it after only a few years.This was because the local government's remedy was allocating the relief funds from the central government rather than establishing their own sustainable economic systems.Consequently, I concluded in my research report that it is the relief policies rather than the governmental relief funds that play the critical role, which drew much attention from the local government.They responded to me, saying they would carefully consider my opinion.This first experience in public policy encouraged me to take up undergraduate extracurricular activities related to the field.

However, it was not until I won the analysis director position in the SCEEA（School and College Education Evaluation Association）in my second year in college that I had the chance to fully develop my skills in policy analysis.SCEEA is an association established to accelerate the pace of educational reform and build a bridge to enhance the communication between students and educators.I was conferred the responsibilities of director for my keenness towards public policy and my recognized abilities in academics and leadership.I devoted a significant amount of time and energy to its programs.At the beginning of the semester, I focused my researched on the teaching and learning process as well as education policies.I also wrote detailed study guides, and then guided the design of questionnaires for teachers and students.Later, based on the collected data, I organized and participated in the analysis of the general teaching performance, the effectiveness of the current education system, as well as public preferences, lookouts and requirements for the implementation of education policies.By the end of the school year, I produced an annual report, highlighting the problems to be solved and issues for further discussion.SCEEA, the only college student-run association in the field of higher education in China, responded effectively to the educational reforms currently being conducted in China.This propelled more and more universities to weigh the research outcomes in their policymaking.I truly appreciate the survey knowledge and the policy analysis skills I learnt from my job.More importantly, from then on, I knew I want to pursue a career in policy making and analysis.

Thankfully, while preparing for incorporating public policy into my future career, I had the great opportunity, during the summer of XXX, to serve as the assistant chief manager of TTT Ltd.，a member of Hong Kong YYY Group.Only 9 among 2000 national-wide competitors were selected on a merit basis.The summer helped me develop a deep vision of China's current situation in general public organizations with respect to business.Working on the Information Flow Management Investigation and Optimization project, I systematically analyzed the previous information system, constructed a mathematical model, computationally simulated it, and finally reorganized it into a new and more effcient“information machinery”.My proposal was later adopted as part of the management reformation conducted by SSS International Consulting Company.However, to me, I found success in further sharpening my analytical skills and strengthening my practical-problem-

solving ability. The most rewarding part of this internship experience emerged after I dealt with the same information-relaying problem during another internship in the III, a branch of China's Aeronautics and Space Program.

Having developed an essential understanding of the organizational, administrative, and operational aspects in both business and public organizations, I began to refect upon what caused their different perspectives and approaches in management.Comparing the III with the YYY Group, I found that when they encountered the same problems in information relaying, the YYY Group confdently solved them in a professionally systematical way based on their mature business management approach to problems, while the III kept‘patching-up’the management system whenever problems occurred.This is because currently there is no public policy program in China that offers competent training in policy analysis, program evaluation, management, and planning, so that the III is incapable of handling the management problems professionally.When I presented the possibility of applying my information fow model to the III, the managers would not even risk trying it without a scientifc evaluation of the possible outcomes.This difference in management has taught me much about the value of management skills and the use of these skills in public organizations.

In light of China's serious challenges in poverty relief, higher educational reform, the development of the northwestern region, in addition to other situations, the need for specialists in the feld of public affairs is grave.Therefore, I determined to pursue a higher and expert education in public policy in the United States to deepen my personal and academic understanding and be professionally involved in the planning and development of public policies which will beneft China.Such an education will enable me to help improve people's quality of life, but also change people's ideas and encourage a belief in social solidarity.

The extensive, insightful and serious training I have received in my undergraduate study of science, coupled with my work experience, has endowed me with strong ability in analysis and logic.I firmly believe these skills will provide a sound basis for my pursuit of higher education in public policy.The Public Policy program offered by the PPP Graduate School of Public Policy Studies will not only push me to cultivate my skills to the next level, but also challenge my perspectives and ideas through intense academic engagement with the faculty and fellow students.Only an education such as this will enable me to successfully create a change for the better in public policy analysis in China.Though the competition for such positions is fierce, I hope to find employment in China's central government and become involved in the Great Development of Northwestern China Project.

Letters of Recommendation

理论上讲，推荐信也是Admission Committee很重要的参考因素之一。古人云“兼听则明，偏信则暗”。PS毕竟是你主观的一面之词。而且基于其篇幅有限，所表达的信息量与质量都是有限的，因此Admission Committee很希望看到客观的、独特的，来自对你很了解并有学术背景的人（教授等）对你的评价。这里我们想强调一点，你的3封推荐信要相互呼应，不要都说同一件事情或是同一个方面，造成“重复建设”，浪费资源。我们先来看两封有代表性的推荐信，其他具体材料请参照我们后面的案例分析部分。

第一封是Harvard的XXX的推荐信。

Department of Physics

Peking University

Beijing，100871

P. R.China

Nov. 25th，XXXX

Dear Admission Offcer，

I take my pleasure to recommend my student XXX to your renowned physics department at Harvard University for postgraduate study.

I have known XXX for more than three years as the student advisor of the Physics Department, Peking University.As you know, our department is the leading physics department in China, and recruits mostly the 1st and 2nd prize winners of the National High School Olympiad in Physics, so the competition within our department is very ferce.However, Mr.Zhang stands out in such a competitive group.With his diligence, talent and enthusiasm for physics, he has been working hard through the past three years.For instance, when he was taking my semiconductor experiment, I was really surprised to fnd pages of his preview work, far beyond my requirement.In the process of the experiment, his clear understanding of the principles and well-versed experimental skills also gave me a deep impression.His hard work has been rewarded.He got a cumulative GPA of 3.80 and a major GPA of 3.93，so that he ranks 2nd out of 128 intelligent guys in the grade, therefore was awarded the‘Benz Scholarship’—highest scholarship of the department, and the‘Award of Excellence in Study’.

Because of his outstanding academic performance, at the end of his sophomore year, I recommended him to apply for admission to‘Junzheng Program’（an undergraduate research program sponsored by Nobel Laureate Tsung-Dao Lee）to acquaint him with more practical research experiences, and he fnally succeeded in entering this program as the frst candidate.After one and a half years of research work in Professor YYY's group, he has successfully fnished the program and has been entitled‘Junzheng Scholar’that he deserves.

Apart from his hard work on physics, he was quite active on campus.He worked in the Science and Technology section of Students’Union for two years, and was also a member of English Club and Ping-Pong Association of Peking University.In these associations, he has made many new friends and attained useful social responsibility that a person needs.

To summarize, I would like to say that XXX is a highly competent and diligent person in his study and work.I am convinced by his previous achievements that he is a qualified candidate, and is well prepared for your graduate program.Thank you for your favorable consideration of my recommendation and feel free to contact me if needed.

Sincerely，

XXX

Student Advisor of Physics Department, Peking University

Phone：

86-xxxxxx

Email：

xxx@zzz. edu.cn

第二封是Stanford的XXX的推荐信。

Dear Sir or Madam，

I’m writing this letter of recommendation for XXX, my former student.

I have known him personally for eight months.I got to know him when he was taking the course###that I taught in his third undergraduate year.This course was rather diffcult, and Mr.Shen was one of the few students of his class that could catch my pace.He always sat in the frst row of the class and listened very carefully.From the questions he raised, I found that he had a solid base of the quantum mechanics as well as a strong mathematical and physical background.He got 93 marks out of 100 in this course, ranking as#6 of 60 students that were also brilliant.Later on, I directed him in his practiceprogram in summer 2012.I found that he was a smart and hard-working student who can solve problems in the research in his own way.

I myself like to access the BBS of the students in our department, through which I have known much better about many of my students.Mr.Shen is the board manager of the boardphilosophy.He often posts many short articles or comments, from which I have got a clearer picture of him.He has a distinctive view of science, technology and society, and a dream that one day he could be enrolled in the scientifc research of the world's frontier.That explains why he has been motivated to the course works, and ranked as#2 of 85 students in the 3 years’GPA.

In view of all that I know from him, Mr.Shen will predictably be an outstanding student in graduate studies.So I would like to recommend him.If you want to know more about him, please don’t hesitate to contact with me.

Sincerely yours，

XXX

Professor

Resume

中国人写的Resume是有中国特色的，这里附上3份有代表性的供你参考。这3份Resume分别来自Cornell, Chicago, Michigan三所名校的成功申请者。

CANDIDATE 1

Room A1，Floor 3，ABC, Hong Kong, China

Tel：00852-000Email：sample@yahoo.cn

EDUCATION

ABC University

Hong Kong, China

Bachelor in Industry Engineering and Technology Management

Sep，2011-Jun，2014

●Overall GPA：3.3，Last-year GPA：3.64（Ranking：top 1%）

●Main Courses：Applied statistics（A+），Operational research（A+），Internet technology for e-commerce：（A+），Foundation of computer science（A），Computer programming（C++）（A），Financial engineering, Industrial systems integration, Operation planning and control, Strategic management of business

ACADEMICS

EMPTY CONTAINER RE-POSITIONING FOR CENTER TERMINAL NETWORKS

Final year project supervised by Prof. K.L.Mak

Sep，2011-present

●Constructed an optimization model based on hub-and-spoke networks, considering stable demand and transportation times

●Conducted research on the previous models and constructed model by re-choosing important aspects and assumptions

●Illustrated the final results through small-scale numerical examples

INTERNET TECHNOLOGY FOR E-COMMERC

Dec，2013

●Developed the web-based system by ASP.NET in C language

●Designed 4 functional pages for different people's operation

●Set up a database containing the information of teachers, students, administrator, enrollments and activities

●Completed the system successfully and got the highest mark among the class

REASEARCH ON GROUP AIRLINE BUSINESS SIMULATION

Sep，2011-Dec，2011

●Established an international airline ZhiHang with other 7 students as CEO in simulation scenario

●Implemented key strategies as Safety First, High Aircrafts Utilization, Low fare, Point to Point Network

etc. during managing the business to make profit

●Conducted industry analysis and simulation scenario analysis

●ZhiHang has gained a profit of 810 million and hire more than 1，000 workers around the world during

the simulation run

INTERNSHIP

CITIC SECURITIES

Beijing, China

Summer Intern in Research Department

Jun，2013-Aug，2013

●Had deep understanding on the various types of algorithmic trading as VWAP, TWAP, implementation Shortfall etc.

●Familiarized with the process of algorithmic trading containing the pre-trading analysis, algorithmic trading and post-trading analysis

●Performed the empirical analysis of algorithmic trading to Hushen 300 combination with VWAP

JIUDING CAPITAL

Beijing, China

Associate Intern

Jan，2013-Feb，2013

●Participated in the earning forecast and valuation of the Xi’an Wanlong Pharmaceutical Company

●Calculated the public offering earnings from the aspect of net profit, equity investment etc.

●Wrote the investment report and provided the suggestion to invest this company

ORIENT OVERSEAS CONTAINER LINE

Hong Kong, China

Department of Project Cargo Trade, Intern

Jun，2011-Aug，2011

●Constructed a set of assessment system to optimize the fleet size with excel VBA programming

●Optimized the empty container quantity of every terminal to guarantee the use rate of shipping container

●Employed the 3 sigma model to deal with the fluctuation in customer demand

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES

Basketball Team of Chinese Students and Scholars Association Undergraduate Department

Sep，2011-Jan，2013

●Organized routine training and competition and won runner-up in the 2011-2012 HK-Mainland Students Basketball League

●Took charge of the getting sponsorship from companies and obtained the support from the Law Society of Hong Kong

Hong Kong Trailwalk for 2012

Jun，2012

●Took part in the trailwalk activity and completed the whole trip

SKILLS/INTERESTS

●Language：Proficiency in English（TOEFL：100）Computer：C, C++，SQL, Matlab, VBA

●Interests：Basketball, Music, Reading, Guitar

CANDIDATE 2

Email：sample@hotmail.com

Mobile：（86）186 XXXX XXXX

000 Rd, Haidian Dis, Beijing, P.R.China，100081

Education：

ABC University

Beijing, China

Major：Actuarial Science

2009.9-present

●Overall GPA 85.6/100；Major GPA 87.6/100

●FSA candidate passed SOA Financial Mathematics, Probability.

Related Courses：

●Probability＆Mathematical Statistics, Statistics, Risk Management, Actuarial Aspects of Non-Life Insurance, Actuarial aspects of life insurance, Survival Models in Actuarial Mathematics, Theory of Interest, Insurance Law, Applied Stochastic Processes, Macroeconomics, Microeconomics, Econometrics, Financial Engineering, Investment and Asset Management, Accounting, etc.

Professional Experiences：

The Prudential Assurance Company Limited

Hong Kong, China

Actuarial Internship

2012.7-2012.9

●Participated in market value added and asset shares calculation, bonus review and strategic asset allocation review

●Conducted data analysis investigations within Reporting team under the guidance of experienced analysts, get familiar with the usage of actuarial software（prophet）

●Assisted valuation team in regular financial reporting of business results across various reporting metrics；prepared routine internal and external product reports

●Supported new product launch with participation in model update and UAT, as well as pricing and profit testing for the product

China CITIC Bank

Beijing, China

Assistant Client Manager, Private Banking

2011.7-2011.8

●Conducted client reviews to potential clients for financial products via telephone

●Assisted in solving clients’issues, promoted China CITIC Bank's financial products to clients

Research Experiences：

Application of Telematics in Auto Insurance Risk Assessment and Mgt

Beijing, China

Research Assistant, China Institute for Actuarial Science

2012.7-present

●Translated a 100-page PhD thesis on Telematics and insurance risk assessment and management, deepened understanding of the latest development of Telematics in Auto-insurance

●Researched on the Claim Frequency Model, Risk Model with Stochastic Premium and Generalized Linear Models in auto insurance product's pricing

●Optimized the current product's pricing models with factor analysis method

Longevity Risks Model and Its Application in Longevity Bonds Pricing

Beijing, China

Project Assistant, Department of Statistics

2011.9-2012.2

●Applied SAS in analysis of the data on the Chinese population mortality rates, predicted the life expectancy with Lee-Carter model

●Studied requirements of longevity-risk-linked bonds based on the former longevity bond products in the foreign market

●Quantified longevity risks and built a pricing model for mortality rates targeted derivatives

Extracurricular Activities：

Student Union, School of Statistics

Beijing, China

Assistant Secretary

2010.9-2012.7

●Organized three academic workshops, took charge of agenda arrangement and task distribution

●Cooperated with other departments and held several lectures with over 300 attendees

Additional：

●Language：Native in Mandarin, Fluent in both written and spoken English.

●Computer：Skilled user of Excel, C++，VB, SAS, R，SPSS, Eviews, etc.

●Strengths＆Interests：Basketball, Cyber Games, Programming.

●Volunteering：Volunteer teacher of the Information-Aid-West Project for high school students in Beijing rural area（2011.09-present）

CANDIDATE 3

（123）456-789010 Vairo Blvd.Apt 210A, State College, PA 16803 sample@gmail.com

EDUCATION

ABC University

08/2009-05/2013（Expected）

●Bachelor of Science in Finance

Minor in Economics and Statistics

●Cumulative GPA：3.99/4.0

●Honors and Awards：Dean's List（Fall 2009-Spring 2012），Beta Gamma Recognition（2011-2012），Phi Kappa Recognition（top 3%in class，2011-2012），President Award（2010-2011），President Freshman Award（2009-2010）

●Relevant Courses：Math 112 Techniques of Calculus I, Math 142 Calculus with Analytical Geometry II, Math 231：Calculus and Vector Analysis, Math 313W Concepts of Discrete Mathematics, SCM 201 Business Statistics, STAT 415 Introduction to Probability Theory, STAT 416 Introduction to Mathematical Statistics, STAT 461 Applied Nonparametric Statistics

SELECTED PROJECTS

●Statistics Project One：Considered dichotomous data in atwo-way layout setting；Set research hypothesis and organized the data to use the Friedman test；In another group of data in a two way layout, assessed and explainedinteraction by using comparativebox plots and interaction plots；Carried full median polish on data using R function to obtain decomposed value of typical value, row effect, and column effect

●Statistics Project Two：Wrote a Macro to bootstrap the sampling distribution in Minitab, and got the bootstrap histogram of the sample and a 90%confidence interval；Estimated standard deviation of the bootstrapped sampling distribution

●Statistics Project Three：Carried out the Kruskal-Wallis rank test（KW）and followed upa significant KW with multiple comparisons using Bonferroni method；Got comparative box plots using R, set up the appropriate statistical hypotheses for KW test, andconducted the KW test using statistical software

EXPERIENCES

Corporate Finance Dept.，CITIC Securities Group

Beijing，06/2012-08/2012

●Provided IPO pitching presentations including different methods for IPO in Hong Kong

●Used the information from Bloomberg to perform comparable company valuation and indicator analysis

●Conducted pre-IPO investigative due diligence byreviewing invoices and related documents to find out anything abnormal about company business transactions

●Edited the prospectus of the first dual listing closed end fund（CEF）in Hong Kong

Assurance Team, Ernst＆Young Beijing Offce, Beijing

06/2011-07/2011

●Engaged in the interim review project for China AAA Group

●Collected and verified accounting vouchers at AAA Headquarters

●Used Excel to prepare accounts and analysis schedules for audit purpose

LEADERSHIP ACTIVITIES

Founder/President, Badminton Club, ABC University

08/2010-07/2011

●Organized badminton competitions on campus to attract members and promote the sport

Vice President, Asian Student Organization

08/2010-07/2011

President, Chinese Business Student Council

06/2012-Present

Diocesan Boys'School Alumnus

2009-Present

VOLUNTEER SERVICES

Project Leader, Tiger Club of Hong Kong

2011-2012

Volunteer, the 16thAsian Games Organization Committee

06/2010-08/2010

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Computer Skills：R, SPSS, SAS, STATA, MATLAB, EVIEWS, BLOOMBERG, Excel

Essays

Essay是商学院申请中最常见的文书形式，越来越多的商学院申请用新颖的essay要求来替代传统的Statement of Purpose，其目的就是为了能够从多个维度去了解申请人。由于商学院开设的项目，无论是master项目还是MBA，基本都是职业导向的项目，因此除了最基本的成绩（GPA/GMAT or GRE/TOEFL or IELTS），商学院更加看重申请人的实践经历（工作、实习或者课外经历），以及从这些经历里面体现出来的能力和素质。各商学院对各种能力的要求不尽相同，这些不同的要求能够很好地反映在申请中需要完成的essay问题里。

下面是一篇比较典型的商学院申请Essay：

注：该申请人成功录取美国顶尖MBA项目，包括宾夕法尼亚大学沃顿商学院，芝加哥大学Booth商学院等。

Describe a time when you were surprised by feedback that you received.What was the feedback and why were you surprised?（500-750 words）

“Three—Two—One—Go！”

I was so excited that I almost jumped out of my chair when the clock ticked to 2：30pm, the launch time for a new version of the bookmarks gadget on iBaidu. Soon, people would fnd their bookmarks gadget enhanced with new features and adjustments that I had designed to help better manage their bookmarks.“Our users will like this gadget very much.”As the main developer of the gadget, I shared my excitement with everybody in my offce.To prepare for this launch, a team comprised of engineers, user experience researchers and product managers exchanged over 200 emails, had a dozen design meetings, and invited Baidu employees from fve offces to test the gadget.The numbers represented hard work and dedication by the team.

Unfortunately, the response did not meet my expectations. Users did not appreciate the change.In less than half an hour, we received more than thirty negative comments on the gadget.My frst reaction was that people were not used to the change.However, as time passed, the volume of complaints did not seem to drop.I had to make the diffcult decision to revert the change, meaning users would not be able to use the new gadget until we fxed all the glitches.

I was surprised by the negative responses from users. After all, we spent so much time designing and testing, and every Baidu employee who tried out the gadget loved it.Reading through the feedback, it started to dawn on me：we gave the gadget too many features that are greatly appreciated by power users（savvy internet users or engineers），at the cost of making it overwhelming and overcomplicated for average users.

The lesson learned through the feedback totally reshaped my understanding of user experience and product design. In hindsight, we should have listened more to the users rather than ourselves（Baidu employees），and focused more on user experience.Instead of blindly throwing out the features, we had to learn exactly what users did not like and to provide solutions to address their needs.The solutions had to be simple, effective, and completely convenient, so that users could immediately use the gadget without any training.If I were given a chance to develop the gadget again, I would involveour users early in the process by conducting usability studies to understand users'reactions to our design and to make sure we designed what users wanted.I would also include users in our product testing to ensure that our implementation lived up to users'expectations.The outcome of the launch would have been different had we paid more attention to users'feedback throughout the process.

We reworked the gadget by retaining only the most important features and tweaking the user interface to be more intuitive for average users. We also invited users to our offce to try out the new gadget, and made adjustments after hearing their feedback.Three weeks later, we launched the gadget again.Although the core of the gadget was intact, the small changes we had made due to the feedback made it a huge success-the usage of the gadget increased threefold in just two months.

注：该申请人成功获得美国耶鲁大学MBA项目有奖录取。

University of Chicago

The Yale School of Management provides a leadership education characterized by broad-minded and intellectually curious students with diverse backgrounds, a distinctive integrated curriculum, connections to one of the great research universities in the world, and the broad reach of an innovative and expanding global network of top business schools.What will you contribute to the Yale SOM community, and how will being part of it help you extend your professional vision?

Henry, one of my French friends, extended his food business from France to China in 2010. After that, he often came to me with questions.Why the tax bureau refused my tax payment that was completely following the tax law?My employees asked me to violate the labor law by not contributing their social securities, what shall I do?……For foreigners, the business in China is always mysterious.I am proud that Henry believes in me as his best business consultant.Now, I want to share with the Yale SOM community my insights of how to do business in China.

As a more diverse experiences/longer work experiences candidate from China, I possess more diversifed and in-depth experiences across auditing, M＆A consulting and private equity. Technically, I am quite familiar with the accounting regulations, taxation practices, legal environment, and investment procedures.Practically, I have hands-on business experiences and have been exposed to numbers of hidden rules that I believe to be the code of successful business in China.

My 10-year diverse career also gave me dynamic experiences with different kinds of companies in China. From size perspective, I have worked closely with quite a few state-owned enterprises and hundreds of private-owned companies, and therefore been experienced of dealing with both apples and oranges.From industry perspective, I have been long-time focused on consumer goods, logistics, manufacturing, and started to look at the emerging sectors like health care, clean technology, which allows me to share views of these sectors in China and to analyze the investment opportunities.

Through my career, I have also worked with people from different backgrounds and built up a diverse business network, including government offcials, entrepreneurs and professionals. On one hand, I have learned how to manage relationship with different people；on the other, their diverse background and unique perspectives have helped me shape better judgment and given me many opportunities.Being part of the more diversifed community of Yale SOM, I hope to become more resourceful and make greater achievement.

More than just sharing real business cases in the class of Doing Business in the Developing World, I look forward to sharing how to do business in China, and also, learning how to do business in other countries around the world.