断句要准确

第二节　断句要准确

从本节直到下一章第四节，全都用于讨论第二个步骤，即“不能直译”的句型安排。仅从篇幅来看就可注意到：汉译英过程以意译为主，需要综合应用多种方法和技巧，需要仔细地关注许多的细节，因而需要认真地对待。

本节主题是呼应第一章第一节和第二章第一节两次提到的“汉语阅读”问题，亦即汉译英过程中的第一个步骤，这么做的目的已概括为本章开头第三段的下划线部分。先看一个简单的例子——只是一个企业的名称：

例11　黑龙江兰西亚麻纺织工业总公司

D. Heilongjiang Lanxiya Hemp Textile Industry General Corporation

B. Heilongjiang Lanxi Flax Textiles Industrial Corporation

A. Lanxi Flax Textiles Industrial Corporation (of Heilongjiang)

译文D把“兰西亚”当作了该公司的专有名称部分，把后面的部分当作了通名部分，属于断句失误。原来“兰西”是黑龙江省的一个县，“亚麻”是种工业原料。可能原译者受了“总公司”之名的误导，加之近年来一些企业喜欢采用貌似洋气的名称的影响，以为“兰西亚”是个合资企业。附带讲一句：假如这位译者知悉第六、七章讲到的专有名词的推荐“译”法，则不用这么既费了力气还未能译对。

上例是一个特例，旨在说明本节的主题：理解正确体现在断句准确上，只有断句准确才有可能理解正确，然后才能谈得上正确翻译。如果审读之际认为“不能直译”，那就需要从长计议了。例如：

例12　这次会议的全部出行方面的事务都由国旅负责。

D1. China Travel Service is in charge of all the travels of the conference.

D2. All the trips of this meeting is in the charge of National Tourism Company.

D3. The national travel agency is responsible for all the staff needed during the meeting.

D4. All the staffs about going outside of the conference is in the charge of the national travel institution.

D5. The China International Travel Service is responsible for all the aspects about the trip of the meeting.

D类译文表现出三大问题。一是专有名称“国旅”皆属乱译，既与商务常识欠缺有关，也是未能及时查询的结果。二是“……事务由……负责”断句不清，所涉双方之间的关系未能交代明白。三是其他方面的细节表达比较粗糙，主要还是基础英语不够扎实。

A1. All the things related to transport of the conference are to be in the charge of China International Travel Service.

A2. China International Travel Service shall handle all the travel arrangements required by the delegates to the conference.

A3. China International Travel Service (CITS) is responsible for providing all the travel services required during the conference.

A4. China International Travel Service (CITS) has been commissioned to provide all the travel services to the conference.

旅行社安排客户出行事务是要收费的，不是某种义务（比如“由小张负责通知小李”）。为此需要加词补义，说明“负责”的是arrangements或services。A类译文特意采用了不同的句型作为本章主题的示意，从中也可注意到词语选择方面的再加工。

例13　中国钢厂成本居高不下，部分企业开始限产、停产。

D1. Because the problem of high cost of China steel industry hasn’t been solved for a very long time, some steel plant | have recuced their production or even stopped producing.

D2. The cost of China Steel Factory stays high, and some companies have begun to cut or stop production.

译文D1添加过度，加之其他已有标记的部分问题，收罗在此只为示意“态度问题”，不再作为翻译问题加以讨论。

本句希望考查三点，即原文的三处下划线部分，但关注的重点却是一个：对原文的理解问题，而不是翻译问题。或者说，译对本句的关键是对原文的审读和断句。原文“中国钢厂”（谷歌搜索获得约 90 800条结果）与工商注册方面的常识有关，本书不拟多说，只讲结论：它的“意思”是“中国所有的或大多数的钢铁厂”，并不是一家企业的专有名词。译文D2的问题就在这里。

D3. Some companies can’t endure the cost in steel industry, which has been high, so they have to cut or even stop production.

D4. The high cost in steel industry of China leads to the limitation production or suspending production in some enterprises.

D5. The cost in steel industry stayed at a very high level, thus making some companies begin to cut or even stop production.

D6. Because of the high cost in steel industry of China, parts of the enterprises have begun to restrict production or stop production.

D7. The cost in steel industry of China has stayed in a high level, causing part of the enterprises to restrict the output or even stop manufacturing.

D8. With the cost of steel keeping high, part of enterprises have come to limit, even stop the production.

第二个下划线部分直接关系到原文的语意能不能得到正确的传达。汉语是一种意合语言，原文那么讲没有问题（在网上谷歌“钢厂成本居高不下”获得约23 400条结果）；汉语喜欢“先大后小”（最为典型的是地址的写法），后面的“部分企业”无疑就是“钢铁企业”。但是英语与此大不一样，所以像D3至D8那样按原文句型进行的直译，比较显著的结果便是割裂了原文“意合”的“语意”。也就是说，按照英语句型的理解，“steel industry of China”的cost 比较high，但是have to cut or even stop production 的enterprises并不必然是钢铁企业，更有可能是泛指的其他行业的企业。

改进的方法可以是B2那样将in the steel industry写在前面，限定后面叙述的范围，也可以是B3那样，用in the steel industry来定位enterprises（A1和A2也是如此，只不过enterprises换成了“意译”的companies），还可以像A3那样，将some steel-producing 放在companies之前做定语。

关于第三个下划线部分，汉语讲“企业开始限产、停产”是可以的，但是英语讲“enterprises have come to limit, even stop the production”就是不可以的，原因在于英语讲求“形合”，即在形式上需要前后一致。只需将引号中的部分拆开来看就清楚了：假如“enterprises have come to limit”是可行的话，那么“enterprises have come to stop”和“enterprises have stop”就不可以了，因为前面有了have，后面的stop就得采用过去分词形式stopped。

C1. Some Chinese steel mills start to limit and even halt production due to their high cost.

C2. In steel industry, as the cost in steel industry remains at a very high level, some companies have begun to cut or even stop production.

这套教材一向提倡“译意不译形”，这里借一个小例子再次提醒：原文“部分企业”中的“部分”译为part便是在“翻译字面形式”。英语的part多与不可数名词搭配使用，而“企业”的英语译文，无论是直译enterprises的还是意译的companies都是可数名词，最为普通的some恰恰最好。译文D6, D7和D8中的部分问题正在这里：按照“部分”的字面直译成了part。此外，D类和C类译文在steel industry之前都没有增加定冠词，应当也是字面直译的结果之一。这里提及“译意不译形”是希望说明：目标学生一直以背单词的方式学英语，极易形成“翻译字面形式”而整体译文不够达意的后果，希望以此向学生指出如何克服这一陋习，学会将英语当作工具为我所用，不再仅仅是限于完成某份课堂作业。

B1. Some companies have begun to cut or stop the production with the cost in steel industry of China | keeps at a high level.

B2. In steel industry, in order to deal with the cost which stays at a very high level, some companies have begun to cut or even stop production.

B3. The cost has stayed in a high level, causing some of the enterprises in steel industry of China to restrict the output or even stop manufacturing.

A1. Some companies in the steel industry have begun to cut or even have stoppedproduction as a result of the cost which hovers on a very high level.

A2. Some companies in the steel industry are /were beginning to cut or even have stopped production because of the cost which has been hovering on a high level.

A3. The high production cost in the steel industry has led to the reduction of capacity in some steel-producing companies and even the complete sojourn of the production line in others.

此外，原文的“居高不下”在四类译文里都有译作“stayed at a very high level”及其变体的现象，倘若联系第十五章的“减词译法”，倒不如简化成remained high为好。

例14　出口的货物都要监装后才能出去，所以每次装货都需要检验员来检验。

D1. Each good must be supervised by inspectors before export commodities are transported.

D2. All the exported commodities shall be monitored during loading before dispatch, so inspectors have to inspect and monitor when each batch of exported commodities is loading.

C. All the goods are loaded under supervision which will be carried out by our inspectors.

译文D1的第一处黑体部分，即便把good改为goods，仍然是一个无法做到的动作。此所谓“理解”失误。D2的前两处黑体部分共同构成了一个“一般与具体”的逻辑问题，似可认为是未能化解原文的“意合”特征，操作上其实还是“断句”不当：“出口的货物”应当是具体的一票又一票的货，不大可能是泛指的所有出口货物。B是D2的修改版。

B. All the exported commodities shall be inspected during loading and before dispatch, so inspectors will inspect when a batch of shipment is being loaded.

A1. Every shipment of export commodities must be under supervision of inspectors when being loaded before dispatch.

A2. The loading of a shipment of commodities for export must be under the supervision of inspectors before being exported /before dispatch.

A1采用了“先小后大”的词序，将“出口的货物”具体化为every shipment of export commodities，A2则进一步落实到了the loading of a shipment（“一票货的装船”这个业务环节），采取的还是“先小后大”的思路——可以看出，the loading of a shipment of commodities for export结构上共有四个“级别”。正如下面两节要举证的那样，所谓“断句”其实是判断该用原文的哪个部分做译文的主语。

有些同学会讲自己没什么实际经验，所以不好下笔。笔者理解，这里介绍一个断句的秘诀，那就是套用日常小事来简化结构。比如说“水果都要洗干净了才能吃”，显然不是要哪个人把“all the fruits”都洗干净。

实际上，本书围绕简单的句子喋喋不休，理由和原因都在这里：希望帮助大家解决具体的翻译问题，而具体的翻译问题涉及许多细节，有时显得非常琐碎。

例15　作为咖啡界的“奥林匹克”，中国国际百瑞斯塔竞赛评出了国内顶尖的咖啡师。

D1. Regarded as the ‘Olympics’ of coffee world, The China World Barista Championship was selected the best Chinese coffee barista.

D2. The domestic top coffee barista was selected on China World Barista Championship which was regarded as the ‘Olympics’ of the world.

D3. As the “Coffee Olympics”, the most outstanding baristas in the country was assessed by China Barista Championship.

C. As the “Olympic” in the field of Coffee, China World Barista Championship has given out the Chinese Top Coffee Master.

在“理解”阶段，首先需对原文进行“梳理”，把原文的三个概念之间的关系搞清楚。“咖啡界的‘奥林匹克’”并不是“中国国际百瑞斯塔竞赛”，原文的本意是：国际百瑞斯塔竞赛是咖啡界的“奥林匹克”，而中国日前评出了国内顶尖的咖啡师。假如不做这种梳理，像上述译文那样埋头译出，在国外读者那里的沟通效果显然不会很好。其次，因为“百瑞斯塔”显然是个外国概念，需要用到第七章讲过的“回译”方法：英文的Barista译成“百瑞斯塔”是比较高明的；现在的问题是将其回译成英语。

B. As China’s most influential and authoritative professional coffee competition, China Barista Championship selected the top coffee masters.

A1. “China International Coffee Competition” produced the best coffee makers of the country. The World Barista Championship (WBC) is regarded as the “Olympia of the coffee making sector”.

A2. A number of coffee makers were named “the best of the country” in the “China International Coffee Competition”. It was held as part of the World Barista Championship (WBC), which is viewed /exclaimed /considered /seen as the“Olympia of the coffee making sector”.