语气正式或婉转

二、语气正式或婉转

英语的被动语态对事不对人，具有行文正式、角度中立、语气严肃的特征。有些情况下，采用被动句来翻译汉语的某些句子，在商务环境中十分必要，因为直译显得生硬（也许会因此而使生意泡汤），而被动句则显得委婉客气，或者显得庄重正式，对方自然会感觉更好接受。下面的例句数量不大，但仍然可以据此建议：如能在这一点上适当多花一点时间，显然有利于表现自己的“商务英语”应用能力，提高自己在同龄人中的“比较优势”。例如：

例34　请你出示车辆行驶证及所属单位相关证明。

D1. Show vehicles cards and proof of their unit.

D2. Please show your vehicle travel card and the proof of your unit.

D3. Please show vehicle driving license and related proof.

D4. Show your driving license and proof of your place of work.

D5. Please show driving licence and the certifying of your unit.

D6. Please show your driving license and employer certification.

D7. Please show your vehicle driving license and affiliation or its relative.

D8. Please show driving license along with the interrelated certificate of affiliated unit.

原文及译文D1见于北京某一经常举办大型国际活动的巨型建筑的停车场入口安检处。以上译文都未查词典，且多把“车辆行驶证”与驾驶证混起来了。车辆“所属单位”和“相关证明”多为直译，结果反而更累。如能围绕“意思”来译，极有可能会轻省很多。

B. Please show your vehicle license and its owner’s ID papers.

A1. Vehicle registration card and owner’s certificate shall be presented.

A2. Presentations of vehicle registration card and owner’s certificate are required.

至于本节的主题，请看两个A类译文所示。商务信函中有些时候需要向对方提出要求，为了沟通效益也会采用被动语态。例如：

例35　报盘只能根据你方年需求量来测算，请尽快告知。

D1. Would you please inform us your offer promptly, which can be only forecasted by your annual demands?

D2. The offer can only be measured by the annual requirement, would you please inform us as soon as possible?

B1. Please let us know your demand per year as soon as possible, since the offer must be based on that.

B2. It would be very kind of you that you inform us at an early date because we have to estimate the offer by your annual demand.

译文A1是D2的修改版，连同A2都是为了示意本节的主题。A3则采用了“商务沟通”理论中的另外一条建议：如果信息内容是好事，则行文应尽量以对方为主；这时也就用不着被动语态了。

A1. Our offer can only be made after we know of your annual order /demand /purchase.Would you please inform us of your projected quantities as soon as possible?

A2. A feasible offer to you will be made on the size of your orders for the year.

A3. You’ll have our best offer if we have some idea of your likely order size for the year.

例36　如遗失、损坏钥匙卡将承担相关赔偿费用人民币10元。

D1. Any lost or damage of the key needs a compensation of RMB 10.

D2. If you make your key card lost or damaged you will pay an extra fee of 10 Yuan.

D3. It will cost you an extra fee of RMB10 if you make your key card lost or damaged.

原文及译文D1摘自如家苏州某分店的钥匙卡的背面。核心词、句型和角度无一不错，且省略不当，整体语意好像是说店家将赔偿客人。D2和D3显系相互“参考”的产物，共同问题是语法错误和关键词失误。在这种情况下支付的钱，汉语仍然可以称为“费”，但英语不应是“fee”。

B. You are to pay RMB 10 for the key card of your room if you lose or damage it.

译文B是对的，只是违背了“商务沟通”理论中的又一条：如果信息内容在对方看来不是好事，则行文不应以对方为主。本书是汉英翻译，未就“商务沟通”展开，不过译文A可资参看。A利用两处被动语态，婉转地提示了客人，是本小节主题的最佳例证。

A. A payment /penalty of RMB10 yuan is required if the key card of your room is lost or damaged.

例37　如果上述要求均能令人满意，我们将如期交货。

D. The goods will be delivered promptly if the above demands are all satisfactory.

C. If the requirements mentions above are acceptable to you, we will deliver the goods as scheduled.

B. If the requirements mentioned above are satisfactory, we will deliver the goods as scheduled.

A. If our requirements listed above are satisfied, we will deliver the goods as agreed.